Dear Forum Members: I thought I might share this with you.
Some, who have responded to my posts, have said: “If you’ve been playing for 40 years, then how come we’ve never heard of you?”
There’s a simple explanation. In my early years of playing (late 50s’ through mid 60s’ --- I WAS able to perform in front of audiences.
It never bothered me, nor did it affect my playing.
However, in subsequent years, I developed “agoraphobia”, for those of you who know what that means.
This means I could never, again, play in front of an audience.
I could only play in my bedroom, with my mike and recorder in front of me.
In short, I developed “stage-fright”. No matter how well I could accomplish a recital piece in the comfort of my home, I could never play it that well in front of an audience. So I abandoned the notion of “public” performances.
When we formed (early 70s’) the Chamber Music Society of Chicago, I was offered the “job” as principal flutist --- but knew that I could never perform in front of (any) audience, so I declined.
My friend, Paula Robison, suggested (and we had the same teacher in NYC) different ways to “overcome” this. But none worked for me.
The ONLY avenue I could ever explore was to become a recording artist. But, I never felt THAT competitive --- because I knew just whom I was up against: Ransom Wilson, Paula, Julius Baker …. and on and on.
I consider myself to be a very accomplished flutist, and I’ve been told that I am. BUT --- where am I going? I can’t play in front of an audience, regardless of the size of the venue. And how does one pit oneself against the likes of Milan, Pellerite, Robison, etc.,etc.?
In the arena of classical music, the world does NOT need another “recital flute artist” --- there are many in place. Far more established than I.
However, in all fairness, if you are a talented, aspiring flutist --- do NOT let MY personal “problems” dissuade you. Just be the best that you can be --- and, who knows: you MIGHT be the next recording artist!
Best Regards, Jim Millen
Re: Stage Fright! 19:34 on Thursday, October 25, 2007
Account Closed (3248 points)
Posted by Account Closed
That is too bad Jim. Sorry to hear about that. No one has heard of me either, but in all honesty I don't really care. I stopped caring and trying to prove myself to the internet people a while ago. It used to upset me when someone would try to challenge me or say I couldn't play the flute well even when they have never heard me play before. A lot of it is just a big ego contest. Play for yourself and just enjoy it
Re: Stage Fright! 08:55 on Friday, October 26, 2007