You'll Never Get to Heaven (Scouting Trad.)
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About 'You'll Never Get to Heaven (Scouting Trad.)'
Born:
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, -
Died:
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The Artist:
Traditional Music of unknown author.
Info:
LYRICS:
1. Oh, you’ll never get to Heaven on a boy scout’s knee
'Cause a boy scout’s knee’s too knobbly.
Refrain:
I ain’t gonna grieve my Lord no more.
2. Oh, you’ll never get to Heaven in an old Ford car
'Cause an old Ford car won't get that far [Refrain]
3. Oh, you’ll never get to Heaven in a ping pong ball
'Cause a ping pong ball is much too small [Refrain]
4. Oh, you’ll never get to Heaven in a limousine
'Cause the Lord ain't got no gasoline [Refrain]
5. Oh, you’ll never get to Heaven in a Sabre Jet
'Cause the Lord ain't got no runways yet [Refrain]
6. Oh, you’ll never get to Heaven in a Girl Scout's arms
'Cause the Lord don't fall for those feminine charms [Refrain]
7. Oh, you’ll never get to Heaven in a rocking chair
'Cause the Lord don't want no lazybones there [Refrain]
8. Oh, you’ll never get to Heaven in a wicker chair
'Cause the Lord don't want no baskets there [Refrain]
9. Oh, you’ll never get to Heaven in a biscuit tin
'Cause a biscuit tin's got biscuits in [Refrain]
10. Oh, you’ll never get to Heaven in an apple tree
'Cause an apple tree's got roots you see [Refrain]
11. Oh, you’ll never get to Heaven on roller skates
You'd roll right by them Pearly Gates [Refrain]
12. You'll never get to heaven in your girlfriend's bra
'Cause your girlfriend's bra can't stretch that far [Refrain]
13. Oh, you’ll never get to Heaven on a Honda bike
'Cause you'll get halfway, then you'll have to hike [Refrain]
14. Oh, you’ll never get to Heaven in our row boat
'Cause our row boat won't even float. [Refrain]
15. Oh, you’ll never get to Heaven in dirty jeans
'Cause heaven's got no washing machines. [Refrain]
16. Oh, you’ll never get to Heaven in a Kleenex box
'Cause God don't like no dirty snots. [Refrain]
17. Oh, you’ll never get to Heaven on a pair of skis
You'll shuss right through St. Peter's knees. [Refrain]
18. Oh, you’ll never get to Heaven in our Leader's pants
'Cause his pants are full of ants [Refrain]
19. Oh, you’ll never get to Heaven on water skis
'Cause the angels don't like hairy knees [Refrain]
20. Oh, you’ll never get to Heaven with powder and paint
'Cause it makes you look like what you ain't [Refrain]
21. Oh, you’ll never get to Heaven in a strapless gown
'Cause that gown thing might fall right down [Refrain]
22. Oh I want to go to heaven, and I want to do it right
So I'll go up to heaven all dressed in white [Refrain]
23. Oh one fine day, and it won't be long
You'll look for me, and I'll be gone [Refrain]
24. And if you get to heaven before I do
Just drill a hole and pull me through [Refrain]
25. But if I get to heaven before you do
I'll drill a hole and spit on you [Refrain]
26. Well if I get to heaven, before you do
I'll plug that hole, with shavings and glue [Refrain]
27. That's all there is, there is no more
St. Peter said, as he shut the door [Refrain]
28. Oh there's one more thing I forgot to tell
If you don't go to heaven, you'll go to...bed [Refrain]
29. And that's the end, St. Peter said
As he closed the gates, And went to bed. [Refrain]
1. Oh, you’ll never get to Heaven on a boy scout’s knee
'Cause a boy scout’s knee’s too knobbly.
Refrain:
I ain’t gonna grieve my Lord no more.
2. Oh, you’ll never get to Heaven in an old Ford car
'Cause an old Ford car won't get that far [Refrain]
3. Oh, you’ll never get to Heaven in a ping pong ball
'Cause a ping pong ball is much too small [Refrain]
4. Oh, you’ll never get to Heaven in a limousine
'Cause the Lord ain't got no gasoline [Refrain]
5. Oh, you’ll never get to Heaven in a Sabre Jet
'Cause the Lord ain't got no runways yet [Refrain]
6. Oh, you’ll never get to Heaven in a Girl Scout's arms
'Cause the Lord don't fall for those feminine charms [Refrain]
7. Oh, you’ll never get to Heaven in a rocking chair
'Cause the Lord don't want no lazybones there [Refrain]
8. Oh, you’ll never get to Heaven in a wicker chair
'Cause the Lord don't want no baskets there [Refrain]
9. Oh, you’ll never get to Heaven in a biscuit tin
'Cause a biscuit tin's got biscuits in [Refrain]
10. Oh, you’ll never get to Heaven in an apple tree
'Cause an apple tree's got roots you see [Refrain]
11. Oh, you’ll never get to Heaven on roller skates
You'd roll right by them Pearly Gates [Refrain]
12. You'll never get to heaven in your girlfriend's bra
'Cause your girlfriend's bra can't stretch that far [Refrain]
13. Oh, you’ll never get to Heaven on a Honda bike
'Cause you'll get halfway, then you'll have to hike [Refrain]
14. Oh, you’ll never get to Heaven in our row boat
'Cause our row boat won't even float. [Refrain]
15. Oh, you’ll never get to Heaven in dirty jeans
'Cause heaven's got no washing machines. [Refrain]
16. Oh, you’ll never get to Heaven in a Kleenex box
'Cause God don't like no dirty snots. [Refrain]
17. Oh, you’ll never get to Heaven on a pair of skis
You'll shuss right through St. Peter's knees. [Refrain]
18. Oh, you’ll never get to Heaven in our Leader's pants
'Cause his pants are full of ants [Refrain]
19. Oh, you’ll never get to Heaven on water skis
'Cause the angels don't like hairy knees [Refrain]
20. Oh, you’ll never get to Heaven with powder and paint
'Cause it makes you look like what you ain't [Refrain]
21. Oh, you’ll never get to Heaven in a strapless gown
'Cause that gown thing might fall right down [Refrain]
22. Oh I want to go to heaven, and I want to do it right
So I'll go up to heaven all dressed in white [Refrain]
23. Oh one fine day, and it won't be long
You'll look for me, and I'll be gone [Refrain]
24. And if you get to heaven before I do
Just drill a hole and pull me through [Refrain]
25. But if I get to heaven before you do
I'll drill a hole and spit on you [Refrain]
26. Well if I get to heaven, before you do
I'll plug that hole, with shavings and glue [Refrain]
27. That's all there is, there is no more
St. Peter said, as he shut the door [Refrain]
28. Oh there's one more thing I forgot to tell
If you don't go to heaven, you'll go to...bed [Refrain]
29. And that's the end, St. Peter said
As he closed the gates, And went to bed. [Refrain]
Score Key:
F major (Sounding Pitch) (
View more F major Music for Piano )
View more F major Music for Piano )Tempo Marking:
Humorously, two in a bar 
=c.80
=c.80 Time Signature:
4/4 (View more 4/4 Music)
View more 4/4 Music)Duration:
1:12
Number of Pages:
2
Difficulty:
Easy Level: Recommended for Beginners with some playing experience
Instrument:
Style:
Copyright:
© Copyright 2000-2025 Red Balloon Technology Ltd (8notes.com)
This piece is included in the following :
Scouting Songs for Piano
Piano pieces in F major
Pieces in 4-4 Time Signature
