Wow, its been a long time since ive posted on here! I don't know if anyone remembers me, but a year ago i was just picking up the flute and asking a BUNCH of random flute embouchere related questions and such.

WELL, since then, ive made our senior all state group on flute and am starting lessons soon with the professor or flute at usc (south carolina)!

Anyway, i had a really basic question. People tell me all the time that sound really great but i NEVER hear it. I think i have a really thin gross tone, and am worried that people are just being nice. I just wanted to know if this was NATURAL, to have (as a musician)(especially a flute player) really low self esteem when it comes to your own playing? I couldnt find anything about this anywhere on the internet, so i figured i would check on one of my favorite old forums.

Thanks guys!

Yes, don't worry you are not alone. It is kind of like how an anorexic person looks in the mirror and sees themselves as being really fat. Musicians tend to be perfectionist and I think we can be very hard on ourselves. I am just speaking from my point of view. I recorded myself onto the computer a while back and came across it the other week and didn't know it was me. I thought to myself... gee I wish I could double tongue like that. My husband insisted it was me and later I found out indeed it was. So, honestly, we don't hear ourselves like other do.

Thanks Kara! It's funny because in the past year ive dropped about 50 pounds and i do the whole "look in the mirror and say you're fat when everyone else says your not-thing", so i have a good history with this kind of stuff...LOL

Thanks, last night was just an awful practice night (I FINALLY got my Baxtresser Orch. Excerpts book, some of that stuff is insane!) and i just needed some support!

Thanks again!

Rex

Hey, I live in South Carolina!

I've been having the same problem lately. I get the feeling that i'm playing a terribly. I hope to go to USC for a music major but I'm not sure I'm good enough to even get into college. It's really frustrating.

I suggest you make a recording of your playing something and upload it to youtube or somewhere similar. Then you can post the link here. I am sure you will get good and serious feedback from experienced musicians here.

Wow! You've gotten a long way in just a year!

I have low self-esteem when it comes to the flute. Yes, I'm in my school's wind ensemble this year. Yes, I was first chair concert band last year as a freshman. (considering the flute is supersuper competitive at my school)
At my new school, I don't know how I will be. I want to make the All-European band next year. That may regain my self-confidence. I know I am a good flute player, but I know I can get better so I don't let that overpower me that "oh I'm in my school's wind ensemble!" blah blah. No! I sometimes can't play the music perfectly. I try hard (although I could try even harder), and I have given up pretty much doing music performance (professional) cuz I do want to be a music teacher &a theatre teacher.

Thats how I feel Rex...
My band teacher is Like...Cheyenne,ur just as good as the seniors and I'm giving you a summers worth of lessons for free with A professional flute palyer...
I said(to myself)I think the other people deserve it...I suck!!!
I only hear great tone and quality sound when I am by myslef and in a room where I can hear nothing BUT my flute...
But even then I still think I suck butt!!!! X|

Yeah, it's been happening to me lately too..

Or either that I'm just tired of practicing Suite in A Minor for states ><

I tend to think that I can't go further with my tone... because I'm just obsessed with having a good tone, but I can't seem to make it better. My flute teacher tells I have a great tone, and so does everyone else... but I think it just might be my flute (Geminhardt -.- )

So, you're no the only one. Maybe something will perk up or change that'll boost your self esteem.

^Telemann? Fun piece. I liked the third movement, personally.

Anyway, I think that many musicians suffer from this. We tend to be tough on ourselves because we want to be the best that we can be. I finally recorded myself and thought, "Man, I actually have good tone!" When I practice, my tone to me sounds airy and quite thin. It's probably just because I want to improve, and I want to be the best, ya know?

Yeah, I'm right in the middle of something like this. We are playing a flute quartet for our Symphonic Band's performance. (Actually, we did it today and then we will play again tomorrow.)
We're playing Bozza's Juor de'te a la Montagne (sp.!!) which is GORGEOUS, and we can do a pretty good job. But in the 3rd movement, Flute III (that's me) follows exactly what Flute I has just played. I can't get it anywhere near as lovely as our Flute I. No big surprise, she spent 4 years at Juilliard... Anyway, I have to just calm down and do the best that I can. At the performance, we did screw a few things up, but got back on track, and had a LOT of compliments. So, anyway, if it is perfect, it may be sublime, but if it comes off OK it can still be enchanting. And you can't be perfect every time, so just make sure to treasure the experience of playing and don't obsess about an odd note here or there.

By the way, Flute I tells me that being at Conservatory was rather awful because she was told that she wasn't all that good, pretty often. That's gotta be tough on the self esteem.

What I really love about having this gal in our flute section is that she is not at all competitive, rather she wants to play her flute with other flutie types and enjoy the music. I could listen to her all day long...

We're playing that Bozza piece in a quartet I play in...It really is lovely, but we have a couple of players who aren't quite up to par, besides some difficult circumstances (tough to schedule rehearsals, no coaching, etc), so it's slow coming together. It's a great piece though...I'm particularly fond of the 1st and 2nd movements.

It is kind of like how an anorexic person looks in the mirror and sees themselves as being really fat.

So true. I just wish the dry cleaners would stop shrinking my clothes.

---

The person giving compliments on your playing really does mean it, they hear something different than you do and they really do like it. Be concerned when you get your playing to sound exactly as you like it, but without the compliments.

Next time someone gives you a compliment, don't second guess it. Accept it as a compliment and thank them. If you find yourself disagreeing with positive comments and agreeing with the negative all the time, you're going down the road of self-pity/inferiority. You must accept the positive comments and challenge the negative comments to yourself.

Though not so much so or rather than falling down the path of self-pity, you'll find yourself on the path of self-love, narcissism.

A couple handy Wikis:
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Self-pity
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Narcissism

but when you accomplish a tough spot, dont you feel better? i know i do... also with your tone, you can try playing the lower notes as open in your mouth (like an orange in there) and loud as you can. i know that helped me.

I have low self esteem in general and it does seem to affect me when I have to play my flute in front of people as well. I play the best when I am by myself at home but as soon as I even imagine playing to my teacher or in an exam or to an audience, my playing gets very flakey, lol.

A friend of mine once told me that when you play to an audience the audience wants you to give something of yourself. He found that when he played classical music on his guitar in a pub, people would listen for a few minutes and then begin talking and his playing would become background music. However, if he sang and played, they would watch quietly or sing along. He felt this happened because he wasn't really putting his heart into the classical music even though he played it well, whereas his singing, which was much less "good", carried a lot of his own emotion.

I was watching some live singing on Youtube recently and I realised it was much more edgy and interesting than the perfect product I would hear on a cd. I responded to it much more. What I am trying to suggest is that this perfection we as musicians are chasing after may not be what those who listen to us really need. We are defining "good" in a certain way but really too good too much of the time could be dead boring. I personally don't think the x factor lies in perfection, I think it lies in allowing our individuality to shine through a bit.

Food for thought anyway.

Magic

I get the same problem. I've been told I play very well, but sometimes I just feel inadequate. I think if you encounter this, the best thing to do is to think positively and just keep working at it.

I've discovered that the people who are hardest on themselves seem to be artists of any kind.